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I took the kids to the Pediatrician a couple of days ago. Clearly, I can’t get enough of doctors and their opinions on living a “healthy” life.

We went through the routine questions; what do I feed them? How much milk do they drink? How much sleep do they get? Is baby on a bottle? No. Does the preschooler potty? No. (moan.), etc.

And then she asked how much television and videos they watch. I said, only a couple hours on Tues/Thurs morning when Gabriel is not at preschool. But other than that, we don’t watch tv in the afternoons or on weekends.

“Well, try to limit that to one hour on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

EXCUSE ME? Did I just tell you that my children watch FOUR whole hours of television a week? And did you just tell me that was TOO much!?!

First of all, I am totally lying—they watch at least three hours on Tuesday and Thursday. That answer was my attempt at a correct and noble reply. And you are telling me that even this absurd and unrealistic ideal is more than you can approve.

Oh, my god. Have you EVER been home all day with your children? I mean, EVER!

Not only do they watch tv a couple mornings a week. I turn it on everyday at 4:30pm while I am making dinner. There is a very good reason why PBS restarts children’s programming at 4pm everyday. Every single at-home caregiver in the late afternoon is trying desperately to get a meal together. Not to mention, entertain their bored, hungry, tired, strung-out midgets. It is ridiculous to think that the tv would never be turned on in the course of a day. At least, I think it is ridiculous.

I am running a household, not a preschool. In fact, I pay a handsome sum every month for Gabriel to go to preschool and be properly educated. Sure, I do art projects and we read books. I sit on the floor and play with them. But I do not feel compelled to create a preschool in my home. My job is not to be a certified teacher or educator at a professional level. Our day is not scheduled with activity after activity and project upon project.

I am a mother. I have laundry to do, dishes to wash, groceries to buy, dinner to cook, naps to facilitate, beds to make, bathrooms to clean, floors to mop, plans to make, stupid-ass doctors to visit. It is implausible that I would be running a daycare center. I am running a home. A home that is loaded with things to do and toys to play with, a home with a backyard and a train set, a home with dolls, Legos, cars, trucks, paint, paper, crayons, and glitter, a home with everything a child needs to be happy and grow, including a television.

The one thing that my home does not come equipped with is another adult. So, when this tired, weary, adult has her head in the shower scrubbing it or cleaning up another disgusting hairball off the carpet, Elmo is diligently watching the kids. He is the closest thing I can get to a babysitter on a moment’s notice. And he sings, knows the alphabet, laughs, entertains and educated.

I had a “real” babysitter once, and I found her two blocks away wandering the streets looking for my cat. Gabriel was home ALONE, taking his nap. The cat incidentally, was also taking a nap, under my bed. Elmo has never left his post, I can rely on that furry, red monster in ways that I can’t with teenage humans.

Beyond the practical realities of a one-woman show raising two kids at home, there is the philosophical truth of the matter. My job here is not to create an idyllic environment where my kids are only exposed to the finest and healthiest that the world has to offer.

My job, as I see it, is to show my kids the world (the G-version), and teach them to make good choices. Television and media are a part of our culture, they are everywhere and they are not going anywhere. In my opinion, it is better to teach them to make good choices about what is worth watching. There are quality shows out there and there is absolute trash. You can’t avoid multi-media, but you can decide how to utilized it to your advantage. For example, I don’t leave my kids alone with Sponge Bob.

I also don't know where I would be today if it weren't for Schoolhouse Rock and Sesame Street. I am sorry but exaclty how am I supposed to compete with jingles that I can sing in my sleep 30 years later. It would be cruel to deny my son the universal experience of "The Ladybug Picnic" and "Cookie, Cookie, Cookie starts with C" without commercial interruption.

It is just like food. You can either keep your child from sugary cereal and processed foods entirely, or you can teach them to make good choices. There is a time and place for a huge chuck of chocolate cake and a delicious ice cream cone. What is life without a little sweetness?

It is all a matter of moderation, if you ask me. Everyone I know who had only GrapeNuts as a kid is a perfect candidate for Fruit Loop therapy, if they haven’t already run off with Count Chockula. I hear story after story of people who were denied sweets or lived without television as children, and they have no sense of proportion with them in their adult life.

Building healthy relationships is all a part of growing up, with people and with things. I am still working on building relationships with doctors. At the moment, they seem like something I could do without permanently. If anything is going to be cut from our programming, it will be them.