Prednisone Prima Donna

Okay, so I feel like I ought to report on the incredible affects this drug has had on my life in the last week. First of all, I have been blessed with what feels to be superhuman strength. For example, when I squeezed my Dove Cucumber & Green Tea bath soap on my scrubby-thing approximately half of the bottle oozed out onto the pad. I was astonished, and a little sad that I lost so much of the stuff. I really like it. Then, I was lifting a gallon (my most dreaded unit of fluid, and annoyingly, always the cheapest) of juice from the fridge and it bounced off the top of the icebox due to excessive force. What next, I wonder? Perhaps I will peel a carrot without my wrist brace…the possibilities seem endless!

It is weird to realize the finely measured responses a body has to everyday activities. An exacting degree of effort is expended in order to accomplish a job—nothing more, nothing less. Just when I thought my body was a disinterested participant, I realize it is a calculated genius. It will have to adjust to this new Uber-power. Do I feel another Superman sequel in the making?

Now this sounds great, and it is, in a lot of ways. But it has its downside. While I feel like a modern-day Popeye in ponytails, I am not sure that all of the similarities are kind. For example, I also feel a bit like all disagreements can be settled with a can of spinach, precisely launched at the offender’s head. I also think I am growing a moustache like Brutus and my affection for Olive Oil, the liquid gold, not the gal, is growing at the expense of my belly. Okay, I am not yet shaving and Sumo wrestling, but rumor has it that it is not far off.

I started moving furniture late last night, much to my husband’s dismay. I single-handedly moved a loveseat up a couple of stairs before he yelled “What the hell are you doing!?!” And honestly, I didn’t know. I only know that I am restless, and I can’t stop moving and doing and doing and moving. Even if it means the house has to be rearranged a few dozen times in an evening.

It is exciting to feel so energized. But I am not able to shut it off. I have had terrible insomnia since beginning the drug. I can’t shut my mind off. I am even a little paranoid and dreaming up some truly ridiculous scenarios. This overactive imagination was problem before steroids and a serious issue currently.

We are adjusting to the hyper-drive that I am experiencing. I love that I have been more active with the kids—we went to the zoo, we swam in the pool, and we painted silly Halloween projects. It makes me feel good to DO something.

True to my deepest passion, I baked again. For anyone who knows me, that is a welcomed development of sincere inspiration. I bake as a celebration of life, it is an affirming declaration that I am here. I feel like a minor goddess when I manhandle sugar, flour and butter in a way that is delicious and ultimately magic. It makes people happy. When I am sad or confused, it helps bring me clarity and peace. When I bake, I stake my claim in this crazy world. And I invite you to EAT UP! So, looking at that beautiful banana bread steaming hot out of the oven is like witnessing my own existence. It is glorious.

I digress.

Well, I am pleased with the results—I am also concerned. I need to sleep and I need relief. For now, I am going to bake my cake and eat it too!

I will invest in a waxing kit and punching bag tomorrow.